Our Personal Value

Have you ever stood in a crowded room of people, looked around, and felt completely insignificant? I certainly have. In fact it's something I struggle with all the time.

Sometimes caught up in the "who's doing what" or "who's wearing what" or "who does what" thoughts of group thinking, I give in to the dark thoughts that I might not have any value. I think it's something that every human being faces at some time or another.

And that made me wonder . . . do we realize our own divine potential or have we lost it in the hubbub of life's coming and goings?

I wanted to be a mother so much even before I was married. I thought about, I planned it, I dreamed about. And then I became it. And guess what? I wasn't very good at it. My talents shine best when I have an outline of the "do's and do not's" and frankly, they didn't hand out a "How-To" manual at the hospital when they released my son and I. I was frightened. I was confused. And I was alone (or so I thought). And all my dreams of being the perfect mother went right out the door. It took me a very long time to realize that although my vision of what motherhood should be wasn't my own reality, I still had value as a mother.

When Joey was most sick, we still wanted him to be at home as much as possible. That meant that I had to learn to administer shots, change IV's, take his blood pressure, and guage his temperature. I literally became a nurse overnight. And it wasn't a few times a day. It was such a stringent schedule, that I had to create an Excel spreadsheet to track all of my duties. We had it down to the minute so that we could make him as comfortable as possible. It was so obvious to see that I was needed, and that he counted on me to make him feel better.

Sometimes our value isn't so obvious. Sometimes our talents seem hidden or lacking or even nonexistent. But we are so VERY valuable and ABSOLUTELY necessary!!

It might be the short conversation with the lonely neighbor, or the peek-a-boo to the fussy baby in the grocery line, or the opening of the door for someone laden with packages. Small acts of kindness remind us of our worth.

We've all been on the receiving end of kindness and we KNOW how much it has meant to be recognized and loved and uplifted. I sometimes forget to say "thank you" when someone has helped me. I hate that. I hope those sweet individuals know how much they have helped me.

This weekend I drove down to Vegas for a convention. On the way down my taillight popped off and was banging against the side of my minivan. I pulled off on the busy, mountain roadway to try and reinstall it. I am no mechanic, and I was struggling a bit with how to put things back together. A large truck pulled up behind me and two men jumped out. One seemed to be the father of the younger one. "Need some help?" they asked. And although it might have been a dangerous situation, I instantly felt peace and knew that they were truly there to help me. "Yes," I breathed in relief. Those kind men, put my light back on, taped it into place and watched until I was safely back on the road. And although I thanked them profusely, I wonder if they know that I prayed all the way to Vegas in their behalf for their kind act?!

I know the Lord can perform miracles, but I also know that sometimes He sends His own human angels to do His work. We are His children, and we cannot underestimate His need for us.

You have value. Your life has meaning, and you ARE significant. I need to remind myself of this more often!
Do I Still Believe in Miracles?

Absolutely!!!

When we first learned that Joey was sick and took him to the Children's hospital for his emergency surgery, we were praying fervently and we were had a great deal of hope and faith that all would be well. When we learned that it was cancer, we were devastated; but we still believed that the Lord could make our boy whole again. When we learned that it had spread to his liver, we cried; but we prayed that we would be able to catch the cancer before it moved elsewhere. Then it moved and moved again and then moved again. It was a very difficult trial of our faith. It was difficult to understand why the Lord in his power would not make our son better. I often wondered what I was supposed to have faith in.

I learned that I needed to have faith in the Lord's power. That He could heal Joey if that was the right thing for Joey.

I learned that I needed to have faith that Joey's cancer and his passing were part of the Lord's plan. That what happened to Joey was in the Lord's hands, and that we were not forgotten and still very much loved.

I learned that the Lord's plan and his timing in that plan is much bigger than we will ever understand in our mortal state. What seems so unreasonable or so "unfair" is a mortal perspective and not the Lord's perspective.

And as for miracles, we saw hundreds of them while Joey was ill and after:

* Joey never lost his hair during all of his cancer treatments, and he wanted so desperately to keep it.
* Joey got to come home for his Birthday a few weeks before he passed, which we all wanted for him.
* Joey was relatively well during all those radiation and chemo treatments and was sick to his stomach only sometimes.
* Joey pulled together an entire community of scrapbookers who came to our rescue both financially and emotionally.
* My entire family got the opportunity to say good-bye to Joey a few days before he passed, and I know there are parents that don't get that opportunity.
* Joey was taken before the cancer fully overtook his body and was spared even more pain from the cancer itself.

I believe in miracles. I see them every day, and although I wish that we could have had the miracle of Joey's recovery, I am at peace with the tender mercies the Lord extended to us during this time. He knows us, and He loves us! Of that I am sure.

Yes, I believe in miracles!
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