I Found This Today:
I received a bill from Joey's school detailing three school books that were missing when they withdrew him from school last winter. (Joey's last day of school attendance was the last school day in November of 2006). I felt angry. It wasn't a very nice response, but I am so tired of bills and connections to Joseph that are negative. It's frustrating to be reminded of him in a negative light.
Anyway . . . I started thinking about where he might have left his books. We've moved since he passed away, and although I have gone through things in his room, I thought I had already returned all of his school books.
Then I remembered his backpack. I didn't remember if I had ever gone through that or not. So I found it in his closet--unopened, still full of his life at that moment, as if it were frozen in time. It hurt so much to open it and go through it's contents. He should be at school right now, at this very moment; and he's not. He should be worrying over math problems, crushing on girls, and gagging over a bad school lunch. And he's not!
I found two of the missing books, but after only a few moments I just couldn't go through the pack any more. In fact it's still sitting on his bed. It just hurts too much today. I will do it later.
And that bill? It's sitting on the counter waiting for a moment when I can call the school and not feel angry because they really were amazing to us, and it's the computer and not people that sent the bill. And really I don't want missing books hanging over me.
So I'll look again tomorrow.